real boaters...

[tomcat rio]

A pirate walks in to a bar and the bartender says:
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate. "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg?" the bartender asks. "You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball. But I'm fine now."

"Okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" asked the
bartender.

"We were in another sea battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword
fight. My hand was cut off, but I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

Then the bartender asks, "So, what about that eye patch?"

The pirate replies: "Oh, one day while we were at sea a flock of sea gulls flew over.
I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."

"You're kidding! " said the bartender. "You don't lose an eye just from bird shit."

The pirate explained:

"It was my first day with the hook."

[tomcat rio]

....used the table for its intended purpose